


Shaken

by stargatelover



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Emotional Baggage, F/M, Flashbacks, Future, Future Fic, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt feelings, Pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:27:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25163890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stargatelover/pseuds/stargatelover
Summary: 10 years after SG-1 ended.Sam and Jack broke up their relationship 5 years ago.Now they attend the same party, but Jack brings an unpleasant surprise.Inspired by the lyrics from "Shaken" by LP (if you don't know it go listen to it, it's amazing).
Relationships: Samantha "Sam" Carter/Jack O'Neill
Comments: 11
Kudos: 30





	Shaken

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you missmagnus for beta-reading and sorry not sorry all the hurt. <3

Sam never felt comfortable at those big official parties with all the air force officers; the formal uniforms, drinks and canapés. She only attended this one because as head of the SGC it was expected of her to be there, but she did it with restraint and, if she was perfectly honest, with a lot of tension.

She had just ordered a drink at the bar in the middle of the room (only water, she wanted to stay focused) when he entered the room.

Jack O’Neill had not changed at all. He still looked the same, grey hair, air force uniform, and that smirk on his face. Sam’s heart started pounding so loud she feared the people around her would hear it. Suddenly she was thrown back to the time when they sneaked away from an event just like this, they both had had a few glasses of wine and they were giggling all the way up to his hotel room. It had not been the first time she felt his strong body on top of her, not the first time she felt his hot breath on her skin and his big member deep inside of her, but that time had been particularly special. It had been the first time they slept together while they both held the rank of a general. She felt tears welling up in her eyes, as more memories of a happy past crashed down on her, and she blinked several times until they were gone.

Before she came to the party she had been well aware that there was a good chance of the two of them meeting again, and while one half of her only wanted to stay away from him, the other part wanted her to walk up to him and talk to him, catch up on old times. The second part almost took over, she already straightened her jacket and was almost on her way towards him when suddenly her whole body stiffened. Jack held the door open and behind him a woman entered with a big smile and snuck herself into his arms. He wrapped his arms around her and planted a kiss on her forehead, for a moment they seemed completely unaware of their surroundings.

Sam just stood there, paralyzed, in midst of a hundred (mostly) uniformed people and stared at the scene unfolding in front of her. Her heart thumped and her breath became shallow and irregular while questions raced through her mind: Who was she? How long had this been going on and how serious was it?

The blonde woman tilted her head back and looked up to Jack and even from where she stood Sam could see the love in her eyes. Sam knew from descriptions from Daniel that she had looked at Jack the same way, she always thought she would be the only woman who would look at him like this. Now here she was, in the middle of this room full of strangers, unable to look away from Jack as he gave that woman a smile Sam knew so well. A smile full of love and tenderness, a smile that had made Sam melt immediately and that had made her feel both safe and reassured at the same time.

Her knees began to tremble as if she had just run 10 miles but she managed to make it to a corner that shielded her from his view but allowed her to observe him and his companion further. She leaned against the wall, as soon as her body got hold of some support on the outside she collapsed inside. She hoped nobody would notice inner breakdown, her rapid breathing, her sweating and her high pulse, hoped she seemed like someone who was looking for someone in the crowd, and not someone who was completely shaken.

She let her gaze wander through the attendees of the party, purposely avoiding the direction in which Jack and his entourage stood and tried to calm herself down. As soon as she caught her breath and felt like she could handle the situation she straightened up and dared to search for the familiar face again. 

She suddenly wished herself back to the time where he would grab her in the hallway of their house, carry her to the bedroom and make love to her so passionately that neither of them could talk for some time after they were finished. Just the thought of the things he had made her feel was enough to rush the blood to her cheeks and the urge to go back to her hotel room and take some alone time.

Sam shook her head and tried to concentrate on the present but her memories broke through like a burst dam, like a movie rolling in front of her inner eye. She saw him on her doorstep the moment after he learned that he was being transferred to homeworld security and they could finally acknowledge their feelings, she remembered the first time they kissed, the first time they loved each other in the sheets, the first time they went out for brunch together without the danger of getting caught. Their first vacation, the times they went fishing, and of course all the things they went through even before they were together, when they were teammates that had each other’s backs and would do anything to keep the other safe.

And now? Now all of that was gone, now the strange woman was the one who held his hand, who felt his fingers tracing up and down her back, who was lucky enough to be with this man, and now received all the love Jack had to give, which Sam knew, it was a lot!

As discreet as possible Sam took a closer look at the woman. She was about 4 inches smaller than him, had blonde hair that fell on her shoulders, bright blue eyes and a well trained figure. Her smile was bright with perfectly white teeth and wrinkles around her eyes and on the nose. But instead of wearing a uniform she came in a slim fit blue dress which implied that she was not military personnel. If Sam had to guess she was around the same age as herself, maybe even a bit younger. Was she imagining it or did they bear some similarities in their appearance?

She suddenly noticed that Jack was scanning the room, his eyes stopped a few times when he saw a familiar face but they always continued. She should have gone home when she thought it was an acceptable time an hour ago, she didn’t even know why she stayed and now she was at risk of being spotted by  _ him _ . Wishing for a way to blend into the wall she turned away to escape Jack’s attentive view, but at the same time she hoped he would see her, come over to her and talk to her. The last time they spoke was at least two years ago.

After a while it felt safe to look at the couple again but the moment Sam did she regretted it. Jack and the woman were dancing next to the bar, his arms around her back and hers around his neck and the look they shared shattered Sam’s heart into a thousand pieces. How could she have let him go? How could she have allowed herself to stand in her own way so much that she missed the chance to spend the rest of her life with the best person she knew? Not only had he been her lover, her partner, he had been her best friend and her sanctuary.

Watching Jack and that woman felt like watching somebody else living her life, a life that she could have had, a life that she chose not to live, a life that now belonged to someone else.

A voice in her mind told her to leave, to go home or at least to go to her hotel room and take a long, hot shower, but all she did was watch Jack and this woman from her corner. There was a moment where the space between the lips of Jack and the woman became narrower and narrower until their lips touched, and Sam could almost feel the vibration such a kiss would have caused in her body if she had been in that woman’s place, but instead she watched her mirror self living her best life.

Jack found the woman's hand and he pulled her gently towards the exit. Sam started walking towards the bar, trying to catch one last sight of the man whom she owed the happiest years of her life to. He opened the door for the woman and turned around one last time. 

Their eyes met across the room and Sam suddenly had the feeling as if everything around her was muted and moving in slow motion.

Even over this distance she could read every emotion on his familiar face: surprise, delight to see her and a fraction of a second later pain and remorse.

Sam tried to smile but instead tears filled her eyes and what remained of her shattered insides broke in that instant. She wished she could just go over there, greet him, maybe hug him, talk to him about old times, laugh with him, feel the warmth of his body and see the twinkle in his eyes when he smiled or made a joke. She saw in his face everything she felt herself, or did she just imagine it? Did he miss her? Did he regret that they broke up? Did he wish that they had gone to this party together?

The woman came back inside and asked Jack something, worry written across her face. She skimmed the room, didn’t notice Sam and therefore didn’t know why Jack hadn’t followed her. He smiled at her absentmindedly and before they left he glanced at Sam one last time, a helpless look in his eyes.

Sam felt her body trembling and leaned against the bar so nobody would notice it. Of all the scenarios of how she thought their next encounter would have been like, she could have never anticipated it to be like this.

Maybe one day they would meet again, under different circumstances.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> I feel like this needs a second part but who knows when inspiration strikes again ;)


End file.
